Rediscovering Me: Confronting Insecurity

Someday I’d love to create a beautiful garden oasis in the backyard of my own home. The funny thing is, I don’t know much about gardening. I have never had a garden, nor did my parents have one in my home growing up. My dad did buy me a tomato plant once and I did my best to take care of it, but sadly it died after producing only a few tomatoes:( Often I hear those who garden talk about weeding—something that’s extremely important for the life of the garden, but a task that is not so fun for the gardener. If left unattended, weeds steal nutrients from plants, inhibiting them from reaching their full potential. I find that insecurities are much like weeds; they choke life out of us, killing our dreams and inhibiting us from becoming all that we are meant to be. These past couple months, I have been on a journey of rediscovering who I am. Let’s just say, I had to do some “weeding” in my own life. My insecurities had began to consume me. Now some might say, “that’s life, we all have insecurities.” And I would have to agree. Yes, we are all human and are susceptible to insecurity. However, there is a difference between having an insecurity and allowing your insecurity to have you. My insecurity had me!

Like those weeds, for the first time in my life I had allowed insecurity to choke confidence, self- worth, and vision out of me. Although I had many people telling me how beautiful and confident I was, I felt the exact opposite and when I'd share my struggle, most people responded in complete and utter shock that I would think of myself that way. No one expected it but personally I couldn't see past my insecurities and I viewed everything and everyone around me through them. I allowed seeds of rejection {from a man} and lack of opportunity {in my career} to cause me to believe that I wasn’t good enough and had nothing to offer. Once planted, those seeds sprouted into self-doubt and hopelessness.

Then one day I realized that I needed to confront my insecurities. I had to be honest with myself and the One that created me. I knew I would find healing at the feet of the cross. I had to confess to God that I thought that what He made wasn’t good enough. Then God began to show me that I was focusing too much on myself and not enough on Him. In order to be free, I had to develop tunnel vision with my eyes focused solely on Christ. I began to minimize things in my life. Things that I felt were feeding my insecurity, distracting me, causing more weeds to grow in the garden that God had begun to restore. This is because like weeds in a garden, insecurities compete for resources. Whether it was social media, friendships, relationships, make up, even shopping, the more I fed my flesh, my insecurities would attempt to steal any type of spiritual nourishment or repair God was trying to do in my heart. So I took the time to focus on God and I am grateful that I am now in a better place. {I said I wouldn't write this blog until I was} My eyes are less on myself and more on God and I am seeing myself through His lenses versus my own insecurities. Now I  can see that I am A beautiful intelligent confident competent woman with a future and purpose created by God to do His work and serve His people. A woman that’s beyond worthy. Not because of me, but because of Him. It feels good to be me again, an even better me. I encourage anyone who might be struggling with not just insecurity, but insecurity that is inhibiting you from living the best life that God has for you, I would suggest confronting those insecurities and then allow God to give you the right vision of yourself. Remember, you might have insecurities but don't let your insecurities have you!!!!